Tuesday, June 29, 2010

阿嬤的話 ah ma eh ui

few days bac, one of my many estranged aunties came over for a brief visit, well actualli for a quick shower as the water supply in her area had been cut off for some reason.

she told us my grandma (ah ma) fell down from a chair a couple of days ago.

i have never been close to ah ma. we never realli talked and seldom meet each other. however, everytime i come back for summer holidays, my mom would ask me to at least visit her once. i have to say, im not a very good granddaughter-- i will only visit her once.

ah ma has not been on her feet for 6 years. everyday, she will be placed on a resting chair in the living room where she stares into the space for hours, and has no one to talk to. at night, when people are back from work and school, they will change her diapers, give her a shower and put her to sleep.

each time i see ah ma, she wil tel me, if i dont tel her who i am, she can never tel. no surprise realli, like i said, we were never close.

each time we start talking, ah ma's words are almost unstoppable. u can tel she is so lonely and desperate for somone to talk to. ah ma will usually start from asking me hows my life in england, then go on telling me about her grandchildren in the house like how many As they scored, how many are going to be doctors and how many are this and that. later, ah ma will start explaing her life, her empty life. she will tel me, each second she spends now seems like a whole long year, there are so many things she wants to do but cant possibly do anymore. then, later, ah ma wil start realating stories about her past, she would tel me about a dozen of people whom i have no idea about such as ah-cai-sou (the lady that sells vege) who cursed her husband.

i would listen and always give a smile and a nod. i know all she needs is just somone there to listen to her. however, many time i hav to try so hard to fight my physiological response after a few hours of ah-ma-stories. i hav to try to hide my yawning and sleepy face and squeeze every tiny bit of energy left in me to put up a i-am-very-interested face.

my mom would give som money to ah ma before we leave. looking at this, im worried that one day, the lady lying in the bed would be my mom, and i would be the daughter who can only offer some money and a little bit of time to her when she is tat lonely. i hope tat day wil not come too soon.

mama, i wish u a long healthy happy life.